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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150277">Rain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frost1610/pseuds/Frost1610'>Frost1610</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Under The Dome (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:21:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24150277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frost1610/pseuds/Frost1610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>AU post eps for 1x06 (The Endless Thirst) and 1x10 (Let the Games Begin)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dale "Barbie" Barbara/Julia Shumway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know this fandom has gone dormant, but I found these while I was cleaning up files and I couldn't bear to just delete them. So, on the off chance there's some random Jarbie shippers still hangin out out there, here you go!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barbie was soaked.  While the rain was welcome, he wasn’t exactly thrilled to be walking through town in a downpour with no real destination in mind.  He needed to get back to the cement factory and grab his pack, but that wasn’t really a viable option until the rain stopped.  He didn’t have any real desire to spend the night in the pitch black of the cement factory tunnels.  So he kept walking.</p>
<p>He thought about his behavior during the riots.  How Linda had had to stop him from killing that guy because he couldn’t get himself under control.  He’d been transported back to a time when that behavior was encouraged and expected of him.  But this wasn’t Iraq; not even close.  He thought about Julia and the previous day’s narrowly averted disaster.  His stomach threatened to bring up what little he’d eaten when he thought about how close she’d come to death.  </p>
<p>As the car horn sounded behind Barbie, the first thought that sprang to mind was what fresh hell awaited him now. He was tense and ready to fight, yet again.  His relief at the sound of Julia’s voice was palpable.  The sound washed over him, warming him despite the cool rain. Despite all the pain he’d caused her, he couldn’t fight the ever-present pull he felt.  His heart pounded in his chest as she got out of the car and walked toward him.</p>
<p>“Barbie!”  She yelled over the downpour.  “I’ve been looking for you.”</p>
<p>This was news to him.  He assumed he was still persona non grata after their exchange at the hospital the previous day.  While she’d given him something of a pass at the dome during visitor’s day, he certainly didn’t take that to mean that she wanted anything to do with him. </p>
<p>“You okay?”  She asked.</p>
<p>Unsure of how honestly he should answer that question, he hesitated.  “Yeah.  You okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” she responded. “It’s uh...it’s been a hell of a crazy day.”</p>
<p>She stepped forward, into his space.  It was almost like the feeling she got when she touched the dome for the first time.  Her skin broke out in goosebumps and her body tingled from head to toe.  It could have been exhaustion, but she was pretty sure it was Barbie.  He was doing this to her.  He was making her feel this way.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess you could say everybody went a little crazy today.” He replied quietly.</p>
<p>She took another half step forward and leaned her head against his shoulder.  She felt his body relax a little as a sigh escaped his lips.  One hand settled at her waist while the other cradled the back of her head as he held her against him.  This was what he’d been missing since the moment she’d first grabbed his hand at the dome.  This was what he’d needed since the moment he’d gotten trapped in this hell hole.  It was too bad he was going to have to throw it all away when he told her the truth about her husband.</p>
<p>“We’re gonna be okay.” </p>
<p>For a long moment Barbie didn’t respond.  He desperately wanted to comfort her, to be what she needed in that moment.  He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay--that they would be okay.  But the thing he needed to tell her still sat like lead in his stomach.  It didn’t matter how much he wanted to comfort her; he wasn’t even sure he had the right.</p>
<p>After a few moments Julia lifted her head again.  Her temple brushed against his cheek, and both of them felt it then.  The charge between them was undeniable.  She reached for his hand, looking for something to anchor her to this moment.  For a fraction of a second his whole body tensed and she thought he might walk away.  Finally he moved in and captured her lips in a searing kiss.</p>
<p>Julia’s whole body was on fire.  She was certain that the missile had broken through the dome after all and this, kissing Barbie, was the light at the end of her tunnel.  His mouth was soft and warm and everything she never expected of him.  She’d forgotten what it felt like to held like this; kissed like this.   </p>
<p>For Barbie it was different.  The kiss was like a dam breaking, flooding his body with relief.  Nothing had ever felt like this before.  Not the women he’d been with before.  Not the thrill of collecting a debt from someone who wanted to fight back.  Not even the feeling of his boots hitting American soil at the end of a long deployment could measure up.  Kissing Julia was better than coming home.</p>
<p>After a few moments he pulled away and Julia let him go.  She took him in, soaked to the bone, exhausted, and looking for all the world like he just wanted to go home.  A silent communication passed between them and they headed toward the car.</p>
<p>The ride to the cement factory and then back to Julia’s house was largely silent.  The steady beat of the rain and swishing of the windshield wipers was enough to bring Julia back down to reality.  The reality was that she was taking home the man who’d been sent to collect her husband’s gambling debt.  At war with the connection she felt were feelings of doubt and betrayal.  Why was Barbie still here with her?  Out of pity?  A sense of obligation?  Or something else entirely?  Something she was pretty sure she felt too.  She was about to betray her husband, wherever he was, and she couldn’t even find it in her to care.</p>
<p>He reached out to Julia, laying his hand on her leg.  She shifted to look at him for a second before returning her attention to the road ahead.  She let one of her hands fall to her lap and laced her fingers with his.  The drive back to Julia’s house was slow as she navigated through the torrential downpour.  Barbie savored this time with her.  In the quiet, in the dark, with her, he didn’t have to face his demons.  Not yet.</p>
<p>Julia pulled up to her house and shut off the car.  Barbie took his hand back and she immediately missed his warmth.  He twisted in his seat and grabbed his pack from the back before opening his door and joining Julia in the rain.  He grabbed her hand again as they ran up to the house.  She unlocked the door with an unsteady hand.  Once they were safely inside Julia locked the door and turned back toward Barbie who was unlacing his boots.  She kicked off her own shoes, grimacing as she set her foot down in a puddle.  Light from the kitchen filtered into the entryway enough that Julia could see that yet more bruises had been added to the collection on Barbie’s face.  He stood up straight and as she reached up to touch his face, he turned his head away to the side.  Whatever fresh injuries had shown up, he deserved it.  What he didn’t deserve was her compassion.  </p>
<p>“Barbie,” she said in an almost-whisper. </p>
<p>“It’s fine,” he assured her.  “I’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>She reached for him again and this time he let her.  Her hands came up to cup his face as she kissed him.  His left hand covered hers then slid down her neck to push her hair out of the way while his right gently pushed her back and up against the door.  A sigh escaped Julia’s lips as he kissed the side of her mouth, along her jawline, and down her neck.  She was momentarily embarrassed at the thought that he could feel her pulse racing under her skin.  She quickly let that thought go when she felt his own heart beating hard against her chest.</p>
<p>Julia shivered against him, but she wasn’t sure if it was Barbie or the cold causing it.  She nudged him backward to get him moving toward the bathroom.  For one hard beat of his heart, he thought she was rejecting him.  Not that he wouldn’t deserve it if she did.  Julia saw something flash across his face as she moved him back, but he shut it down before she could figure out what it was.  Instead of pushing him away though, she took his hand and led him up the stairs.  Relief coursed through him as he followed her.</p>
<p>Barbie dropped his pack outside of the door as Julia led him into the bathroom.  She shut the door behind them to grab towels out of the linen closet.  When she turned back around Barbie took the towels from her hands and dropped them on the counter behind him.  He grabbed Julia’s hand and pulled her toward him.  She smiled and let out a small huff of amusement as she crashed into his chest.  Barbie’s lips found her neck and the hollow at the base of her throat.  His breath was warm against her skin and caused another shiver to wrack her body.  Julia wrapped her arms around his neck and carded her fingers through his wet hair, causing a spray of cold water to rain down on them.</p>
<p>“You’re cold,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“Mmmhmmm.” She hummed her agreement against his lips.</p>
<p>Barbie reached behind him and picked up one of the towels.  He nudged her to turn her around and collected her hair in the towel and gently dried it.  The warmth of his body radiated against her back.  Once he’d soaked up most of the water he set the towel aside and turned her around so he could release the button holding her shirt together.  He pushed the shirt and jacket off of her shoulders together.  Julia let the jacket drop to the floor with a wet plop.  She worked the buttons on his shirt, smirking in triumph as she managed to get them undone despite her shaking hands. She pushed the dripping shirt off of his shoulders and let it fall to the floor next to hers.  He grabbed the other towel and wrapped it around her shoulders as she took his hand and led him back to her room.</p>
<p>Julia skirted the bed to turn on the lamp on the bedside table.  Unexpectedly her heart jumped into her throat.  She wondered what she’d been thinking when she brought this man into her house; this man whom she thought probably knew more about Peter’s whereabouts than he was saying.  Lightning flashed outside and she caught a glimpse of Barbie in the dark.  All the reservations she’d had melted away when she saw the way he looked at her when he thought she couldn’t see.  Julia switched on the light and made her way back to Barbie.  </p>
<p>She shivered yet again as his fingers ghosted over her skin.  His fingers played at the bottom of her camisole as if he were seeking permission to take it off.  She kissed him again as her hands guided his to pull the shirt off.  Barbie discarded the soaked garment with the towel on the floor.  She slid her hands from his hips up underneath his undershirt skimming her fingers over the smooth skin of his stomach.  Barbie reached behind one shoulder and pulled the shirt over his head.  It joined Julia’s on the floor.  </p>
<p>Julia stared openly, only mildly aware that she should probably stop gawking at him.  She smoothed her hands up over his stomach and chest and then back down again, memorizing the feel of him under her fingers.  </p>
<p>Barbie gently backed her up toward the edge of the bed.  Her knees hit the end of the bed and she sat, pulling her out of the range of his mouth.  Julia grabbed his hips and pulled him toward her.  She felt him break out in goosebumps as she kissed the sensitive skin at his waist and just below his belly button.  She kissed her way up his stomach and toward his chest as her fingers worked his belt loose.  Just as she got it unbuckled, he gently pushed her back down on the bed and followed her down.  Barbie’s body covered hers as he captured her mouth once again.  </p>
<p>After a few moments they moved up on the bed into a less precarious position.  As they laid facing each other, Julia slid one hand under his cheek and the other grabbed for his hip and pulled his body into hers.  Barbie’s chest heaved as he fought to rein himself in and slow down.  She kissed him long and slow as the hand on his hip moved to gently run up and down his side.</p>
<p>When he’d finally gotten ahold of himself, Barbie reached between their bodies for the button on her jeans.  She let him try for a second before her hand covered his and moved it away.  Barbie pulled his hand away and started to move away from her thinking he’d made a mistake.  It would be better this way, he reasoned even as his gut clenched painfully at the loss.  Before he could pull away completely, Julia grabbed for him again.</p>
<p>“The button isn’t real,” she whispered against his neck.</p>
<p>She grabbed his hand and positioned it on her hip while she guided his thumb under the fabric to show him he only needed to pull them off.  Barbie’s mouth was on her again as he worked his way from that spot just behind her ear, down her neck, into the hollow between her collarbones, and down her chest and stomach. As he slid down her body she lifted her hips so he could pull her jeans down. Julia flushed as he stared openly at her body.  His eyes flashed again with some identifiable emotion.  Again she wondered if she’d ever know just who this man was.  </p>
<p>After a momentary standoff, Julia sat up and moved toward the edge of the bed.  She came to rest in front of him and reached out to work the button on his jeans.  He watched in amusement as she struggled with the unforgiving wet denim.  Finally he reached down to help her and popped the button open.  She shot him a look implying that he was more than overdressed for this occasion.  Barbie took the hint and peeled the wet denim off his legs where it joined the other pile of clothes on the floor.</p>
<p>Barbie leaned over her again as he followed Julia back up the bed.  His left hand traced over her hip and rib cage before sliding under her to unhook her bra.  Julia leaned up a little to help when she felt the material give way.  Barbie followed her back down and immediately began exploring the skin he’d just uncovered with his mouth.  She arched upward toward his mouth as her fingers carded through his hair. </p>
<p>Barbie’s whole body vibrated with need--or anxiety.  He was having trouble telling the difference between the two at the moment.  He moved off to the side, afraid his arms would give out and he’d crush her.  Blue eyes locked on blue as he reached a hand up to move a stray curl out of her face.  Just as he moved in to kiss her again the room was blanketed in darkness.</p>
<p>Barbie lifted himself up on an elbow.  “What the hell?”</p>
<p>Julia sighed next to him.  “Generator’s out of propane.”</p>
<p>“Do you want me to…”  He started to get up again.</p>
<p>“No.”  She said softly as her hands found his body again in the dark, gently pushing him back down onto the bed.  “I want you to stay right here,” she whispered between kisses.  </p>
<p>Barbie sucked in a breath as her fingers played at the waistband of his boxers.  His heart beat hard in his chest and any semblance of self control he’d previously possessed flew right out the window.  His hands were everywhere, all at once.  Finally Julia grabbed one of his roaming hands and guided it to her waist.  Barbie’s fingers curled in the material of her panties and she gasped into his mouth as he pulled them down.  Julia’s hand ghosted over his boxers and his body shook with the restraint it took to keep from pushing into her hand.  Finally her fingers found the waistband again and he lifted his hips as she pulled down his boxers so he could kick them off.  </p>
<p>Barbie rolled so she was underneath him.  But instead of pushing forward, he stopped.  He tried to make out her face in the dark.  A flash of lightning lit up the room for a second and his eyes caught hers.  It wasn’t enough.</p>
<p>“Julia.” He said hoarsely.  </p>
<p>She reached up and cupped his face with one hand.  That hand slid down and around to his neck and she pulled him down on her.  Her lips met his, swallowing the groan that threatened to spill from his lips as he gently pushed into her.  She pulled away from his mouth and gasped against his neck as he shifted just enough to change the angle.  He reached down to encourage her leg to wrap around his waist.  He kissed her again as he flipped them so she was in control.  </p>
<p>Barbie’s eyes had finally adjusted to the relative darkness in the room.  He watched as she moved over him.  He’d never felt anything like this before.  His hands ran up her legs and latched onto her hips as he held on for the ride.  Julia leaned down to capture his lips again just as she tipped over the edge.  She felt his body jerk underneath her as he gasped her name.  She was pretty sure she was going to have bruises on her hips in the shape of his fingertips, but right now she was more content than she’d been in a long time.  </p>
<p>For a few minutes they laid there panting, breathing in each other’s air because they were too spent to move.  Barbie could feel her shaking with the effort of holding herself over him.  He looped his arms around her and gently pulled her down.  She let her arms go slack and collapsed onto his chest. </p>
<p>Barbie wasn’t sure how long they laid there before her breathing settled into the deep rhythm of sleep.  He waited a while longer before gingerly rolling her onto her side.  To his surprise, she didn’t wake up.  He pulled away from her and dug around for his boxers.  He grabbed his jeans from the floor, but decided they were way too wet to put back on.  He felt his way out to the hallway and dug around in his pack for a dry pair of jeans.  He didn’t bother with a shirt since it was still raining outside and he was quickly running out of dry clothes.  He slipped on his boots and went out the back door to find the generator.  He found a full tank of propane next to it and hooked it up.  Once he got it running again, Barbie headed back inside.  </p>
<p>When he got back up to her room, he discovered that Julia was missing.  He’d forgotten to turn off the light and he figured it had probably woken her up when he got the power going again.  He picked up the towel from the floor and quickly dried himself off again.  When he looked up again he was startled to see Julia standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Leaving so soon?”  She asked.  She may have been kidding, but there was a hint of anxiety in her voice that she hadn’t been able to cover up.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to go?” He countered.  </p>
<p>She took him in.  Memorized this moment that she was sure she was never going to get again.  He was devastatingly handsome standing there in nothing but low-slung jeans, body still glistening a little from the rain.  If this was to be her only chance, she was going to make the most of it.</p>
<p>Julia stepped into the room then and made her way toward him.  She took the towel from him and let it drop to the floor.  Her hands settled at his hips before smoothing up his stomach and chest before looping around his neck.  He kissed her then.  </p>
<p>Her fingers worked the button on his jeans as he pulled at the tie for her robe.  She pushed his jeans and boxers off of his hips and he stepped out of them as he pushed the robe off of her shoulders.  Her lips traced over his rain-cooled skin as he walked her backward toward the bed.  </p>
<p>“Is that a ‘no’?” His voice vibrated against her skin as he kissed her.</p>
<p>He stopped just short of laying her out on the bed.  He was pretty sure she wanted this just as much as he did.  He’d heard the waver in her voice when she’d asked if he was leaving.  He knew that if he stayed, if they did this again, that he was going to have to admit to himself that maybe this was about more than just sex.  </p>
<p>“Julia.” Fear had crept into his voice now and he hated himself for it.  He had no right to her.  No right to feel this way.</p>
<p>Julia was having a hell of a time concentrating on what he was saying.  She couldn’t focus on words when he stood before her hot, and hard, and very, very naked.  When she looked up at him there was a depth to his eyes that hadn’t been there before.  He’d been hiding it.  Whatever it was she was feeling, he was feeling it too.  She saw the insecurity hiding behind his calm exterior now.  His chest was heaving now, with anxiety or exertion, she wasn’t sure.  She reached behind his neck and pulled him to her so she could kiss him again.</p>
<p>“Stay,” she whispered against his lips.  “I’d like you to stay.” </p>
<p>When he finally had his answer, Barbie followed her down onto the bed.  Because he’d finally admitted to himself that this was more--so much more--he stayed and he made love to her for a second time that night.   And as he did, the storm outside calmed as did the storm within him.  Whatever this was, they’d figure it out together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m-I’m so sorry...for everything.” A single tear slipped down his cheek.</p>
<p>“Me, too,” Julia whispered.  She watched as he looked at her and then away again.  </p>
<p>“Barbie, I’ve seen you sacrifice yourself for total strangers.  But in the future, there can be no more lies,” her voice wavered.</p>
<p>“In the future?” he asked, looking up at her again.  “You sure?”</p>
<p>Julia suddenly looked much less certain.  “Maybe.”  </p>
<p>A few more silent tears fell as he watched her disappear into the kitchen.  Barbie sighed as he stood, every inch of his body ached after days of crowd control and the fight with Victor Rawlins.  He slowly climbed the stairs and collected his pack from the floor in Julia’s room.  He’d nearly made it out the door when Julia appeared behind him.</p>
<p>“You’re leaving,” she said flatly.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think you’d really want me to hang around after--”</p>
<p>Julia cut him off, “If I wanted you to leave I would have made that clear.”</p>
<p>Barbie looked at her again, the threat of tears still burning behind his eyes.</p>
<p>“Clean yourself up,” she waved a hand at him, “I’ll make up the couch.” </p>
<p>“Julia…”</p>
<p>“Where else are you going to go, Barbie?”  She asked as she walked away.</p>
<p>She had a point there.  He’d definitely be spending the night in his car again if he left now.  Unless, of course, he wanted to go crawling back to Max.  Barbie hoisted the pack further up on his shoulder and sighed.  He turned away and slowly climbed the stairs again.  </p>
<p>Julia wondered what she could possibly be thinking allowing him to stay there.  He’d killed her husband, lied to her about it, lied some more, and then he’d slept with her.  And still, she couldn’t shake the connection she felt to him. She knew she was just trying to rationalize her actions as she made excuses for why it was okay for her to sleep with a man she barely knew when she thought she still had a husband out there.  Despite everything that was wrong with the situation, the thought of losing Barbie was more than she could bear.  She left some blankets and a pillow on the couch for him and made her way upstairs, feeling like all the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.</p>
<p>Barbie scrubbed at his skin until it was pink.  The dried blood wasn’t coming off easily, and the slimy feeling of Max’s hands on him wasn’t going anywhere either.  Finally feeling as clean as he was going to get, he turned off the water and toweled himself off.  He paused briefly outside of Julia’s room.  The door was closed.  Out of reflex, he reached for the door handle, but caught himself.  He couldn’t hear anything so he could only hope that she’d been able to go to sleep.  He settled himself in on the couch for what he assumed was going to be a long night of tossing and turning.  He was exhausted, but he had no delusions about sleep coming easily tonight.</p>
<p>She listened intently as the water in the shower turned off.  Images of Barbie, dripping on her floor as she collected towels, came unbidden to her mind’s eye.  Next came the memory of her lips brushing against his rain-cooled skin as she helped him out of his sodden clothing.  Another flash of their bodies moving together.  She heard him stop outside her door.  She thought she heard him grab the door handle.  She desperately wanted him to walk through that door and hold her until she forgot about all of this.  Because even after everything that had happened, everything he’d put her through, she still needed him.  Instead, he walked away.  She’d told him to stay, but not with her, and he’d obeyed that misguided wish.</p>
<p>Julia was honestly surprised when she laid down in bed and no more tears came.  She wondered if she’d just run out of tears to cry at this point.  The revelation about Peter’s plan to pay off his gambling debt and the depths to which he’d been willing to go to do it weighed heavily on her.  Barbie had never intended to kill Peter.  She knew that.  She knew what had happened was an accident, but he’d lied to her about it.  She thought about his reasons for doing it.  She knew he felt what she felt.  If she were in his position she may very well have done the same thing out of fear of losing him.  And just like that, the tears that had disappeared were suddenly flowing again.  This--being apart from him--was the last thing she wanted.  She rolled to her stomach to stifle her sobs in the pillow.  Her bed smelled like him though and that just made the tears come faster.  It was going to be hell to fall asleep in this bed alone tonight.  It was funny how she’d grown so accustomed to his scent and the feeling of his body next to hers as she slept in such a short amount of time.  It had been days.  Days.  Barbie had so easily slipped into her life even as she held onto the hope that Peter was out there somewhere. </p>
<p>Barbie put one blanket down on the couch and covered himself with the other as he laid down.  His stomach churned as he replayed the evening’s events from the fight with Victor, to the fight with Max, to his confession to Julia.  In that moment, he’d desperately wished he’d never met Max.  That regret was a double edged sword though, because without his association to Max, he’d never have met Julia.  He sat up suddenly, his chest heaving as he let the possibility of never having met Julia wash over him.  He felt the burn of tears behind his eyes again as he recalled the look on her face as he confessed.  Once he’d finally gotten his emotions back under control, Barbie laid back down on the couch.  He adjusted his pillow.  He flipped onto his other side, his stomach, his back.  None of it was working because it wasn’t physical discomfort keeping him awake.</p>
<p>At some point Barbie finally fell asleep only to be awakened by Julia’s firm grip on his shoulder as she shook him awake.  Barbie came up swinging, a residual effect of his time in the Army when middle of the night wakings generally meant trouble.  He reached blindly in front of him grabbing for the apparition of Big Jim that made its way out of his dreams and into reality as he woke.  </p>
<p>“Barbie.” Julia’s voice was firm but calm.</p>
<p>Finally he snapped out of it.  He was panting with the exertion of whatever had been going on in his dream.  He scrubbed his hands over his face as he tried to wake himself up.  </p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” He asked, still foggy with sleep.</p>
<p>“I was just about to ask you the same thing.”</p>
<p>The look he gave her told her he had no idea what she was talking about.</p>
<p>“You were yelling my name…”</p>
<p>Suddenly the images came back to him in a flash.  Big Jim.  Julia.  A knife.  He shook his head as if he could rid himself of the images that way.  As if the day couldn’t get any worse, now he was getting her killed in his dreams.</p>
<p>“Nightmare,” he said softly, “sorry.”</p>
<p>“Are those a regular occurance?”</p>
<p>Barbie shrugged.</p>
<p>“I just--” Julia faltered. “You had them the first couple nights you were here.  And again tonight.”</p>
<p>Barbie’s face flushed with embarrassment.  He watched her carefully in the dim light from the kitchen.  He wasn’t sure where she was going with this or what she was trying to get out of him.  He’d had nightmares since his return from his first deployment.  Usually it was some roadside suicide bomber taking out his squadron.  Other times it was the night they rescued that soldier from the enemy.  Sometimes, if he drank enough, alcohol numbed him enough that he managed a dreamless night.</p>
<p>Julia sighed. She wasn’t sure why she expected anything out of him.  After everything they’d been through tonight maybe she figured he owed this to her.  She knew she was being ridiculous.  He didn’t owe her this, or anything else for that matter.  Julia turned away from him and started to head back toward the stairs.  She was surprised when Barbie’s hand shot out to grab her wrist.  His touch was much more gentle than she expected.   </p>
<p>Julia’s words from just a few hours ago rang in his ears.  No more lies.</p>
<p>“I do--” he started. “I have them...sometimes.”</p>
<p>“From your time in the military?” She prompted.  </p>
<p>He realized she probably didn’t want him to be touching her and dropped her arm.  He waited for her to walk away again, but instead of leaving, she sat down on the coffee table across from him.  She watched as the tension melted out of his shoulders.  He looked as exhausted as she felt.</p>
<p>“Usually,” he answered quietly.</p>
<p>“But not recently,” the tone of her voice implying he’d said something in his sleep that clued her in.</p>
<p>“No.  Not recently.”</p>
<p>Another long moment passed between them.  Barbie sucked in a breath and let it go slowly.  He wrung his hands as he prepared to confess more things that should make Julia hate him.</p>
<p>“Those first nights--”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this.”  Julia offered.</p>
<p>Barbie looked up at her and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, a nervous habit he hadn’t displayed in years.  He’d never told anyone about these dreams, not even the shrink they’d sent him to after each deployment.</p>
<p>“Those first nights,” he started over, “were about the cabin.  About Peter.”  He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.  “I-I don’t.  That’s not the person I am.  That’s not the person I want to be.  I don’t kill people over gambling debts.”</p>
<p>“Barbie, he pointed what you assumed to be a loaded gun at you.”</p>
<p>“I disarmed him.  I tried to--  I-I just--”</p>
<p>Julia reached out and laid her hand on his knee.  His gaze met hers and she noticed his eyes shone with unshed tears.  She realized it was truly painful for him to talk about this.  If anyone had asked her a week ago if she’d be sitting in her dark living room comforting the man who’d killed her husband, she would have told them they were crazy.  But here she was.</p>
<p>“What about tonight?”  She asked.</p>
<p>“Tonight I--You were...Big Jim had a knife and I couldn’t get there in time.  He--”</p>
<p>“Okay,” she cut him off.  “It’s okay.”  </p>
<p>She reached forward and grabbed his hand.  His eyes dropped from her face to their linked hands.  His thumb gently stroked over her knuckles.  He wanted to tell her he was sorry, because he really, truly was.  He also knew that it would be a slap in the face to think that ‘sorry’ would fix this mess he’d created for them.  Once again, it pained him to wish he’d never met her.  He couldn’t have hurt her like this if she’d never met him.</p>
<p>They sat in silence again for what seemed like forever.</p>
<p>“You should get some sleep, Julia.”  He said tiredly.</p>
<p>A thought occurred to her then.  “The nightmares--”</p>
<p>Barbie leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes.  He was tired--so tired.  He just wanted to go to sleep and forget this whole day ever happened.  He didn’t want to talk about nightmares or the pain he’d caused her anymore.  He wasn’t sure he liked where this was going, though he had some idea of what she might be getting at. </p>
<p>“You didn’t have them the nights we--”</p>
<p>“No,” he answered before she could get the question out.  “I didn’t.”</p>
<p>“Is that normal?”  She asked.  “For you to not have them when you’re with someone?”</p>
<p>“I...No.  It’s not.”  He scrubbed his hands over his face as though he were embarrassed to be talking about this.  “I don’t really know, I guess.  I don’t usually stick around to find out.”  </p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>Julia sighed, wondering once again what she’d gotten herself into.  Her mind flashed back to that first night when he’d come back in from changing the propane on the generator.  She wondered if he really had been trying to leave that night.  She wondered if he only stayed because she’d caught him.  She wondered how much of it was real.  The way he’d made love to her after that night was certainly real to her.  The disappointment she’d felt when he’d left the morning after was real too.  Though after his most recent admission, she was apparently lucky he’d stayed at all.  But what about the nights after that?  He could have easily found somewhere else to stay or he could have gone back to the guest room.  Yet he sought her out.  Was that just because he was trying to keep her from learning the truth about Peter?  Or because he felt the same connection she did.  She wondered if she’d ever know for sure.</p>
<p>Barbie watched closely as all of those questions filtered through Julia’s mind.  He wasn’t sure what she was thinking.  He wasn’t entirely sure he was going to like the end result.  He watched and waited nonetheless.</p>
<p>“That night?”  She asked.  “Were you trying to leave when I came back into the room?”  For some reason she desperately needed to know the answer to this one question, even if he never told her anything else.</p>
<p>“No!”  His answer was immediate and forceful.  He knew better than to sound incredulous after everything he’d put her through, but he couldn’t believe she thought he’d wanted to leave her that night, or ever.  His fingers tightened around hers.</p>
<p>She believed him.  </p>
<p>“Come on,” she beckoned softly as she stood.</p>
<p>“Julia, what--”</p>
<p>She reached down and took his hand again, pulling gently.  Finally Barbie stood and followed as Julia led him back up to her bedroom.  She wasn’t sure if she’d ever get answers to all of her questions, but she was done worrying about it for tonight.</p>
<p>Barbie watched as Julia sat on the side of the bed and waited for him to climb in.  He stood frozen at the foot of the bed, unsure of what he should do.  His fingers flexed anxiously at his sides and his chest heaved a little with uneven breaths.  Tired of waiting, Julia stood and walked over to him.  She ran a hand up over his chest and neck to cup his face and leaned her forehead against his shoulder much like that night in the rain. He may have caused her all this pain; but, she realized, he was also the only one who could take it away.</p>
<p>“Come to bed, Barbie.”  She said softly.</p>
<p>“Julia.”  He warned.</p>
<p>He didn’t think there was any way this could possibly be what she wanted or needed.  His body trembled with the need to touch her, to hold her.  She could practically feel him shudder as he restrained himself.  He was trying so hard to do the right thing, but the right thing wasn’t the thing she wanted from him right now.  Right now she wanted him to hold her and comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, even if it was a lie.  Her hand dropped from his face and she grabbed his hands and put them on her waist.  Now she really could feel him trembling.  Apparently losing the battle with his self-restraint, Barbie gave in and wrapped his arms around her.  He buried his face in her hair and breathed her in.</p>
<p>“Come lay down,” she pleaded softly.  “Please.  I know you don’t think so, but this is what I need from you right now.”</p>
<p>Barbie pulled away from her.  His gaze was intense and unreadable as he tried to understand what was happening.  A couple hours ago he’d been certain that they were over.  And maybe they still were.  But if this was what she wanted from him, he’d give it to her.  He’d give her anything she wanted.  He nodded at Julia and climbed into bed.</p>
<p>She didn’t come to him right away.  He didn’t expect her to.  He listened as her breathing eventually slowed and deepened, lulling him into a mercifully dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>When he woke again he was hot--way too hot--and confused because he hadn’t had any blankets on him when he fell asleep.  He blinked against the bright light streaming in through the window as he fought his exhaustion and the heaviness plaguing his limbs to figure out why he was so hot.  When he finally cleared the fog he realized the reason he felt so hot and weighed down was wrapped around him.  Julia had gravitated toward him in her sleep and wrapped her body around his.  Her head was next to his on his pillow, she was laying on his right arm and she had an arm slung across his waist and a leg woven in between his.  </p>
<p>Barbie fought the sense of panic that rose up in him.  She may have invited him back into her bed last night, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be happy about this.  He tried to figure out how to disentangle himself without waking her up, but came up short.  He resigned himself to laying there until she woke up and taking whatever storm came with it.  And if he were being honest with himself, he wasn’t going to pass up the chance to hold her, especially if it was the last time he might be able to do it.  He drifted off again as the weight of her draped across him became comfort rather than a nuisance.</p>
<p>He woke with a start as Julia stirred against him.  She took her leg back, but left her arm where it lay across his waist.  Barbie wriggled his arm out from under her, flexing his hand and wrist as the pins and needles sensation came with the return of blood flow.  He pushed himself up on his side and rested his head on his newly freed arm.  Julia’s hand rested on his hip now, her thumb running back and forth against the skin just above the waistband of his boxers where his shirt had ridden up.</p>
<p>He watched her, though his gaze never quite met hers.  After a few minutes, the hand at his hip traveled the length of his arm before settling on his cheek.  She knew that none of this was right.  He shouldn’t be here, in her bed, making her feel these things.  Not after last night.  But the more she considered things from his point of view, the more she understood why he’d done what he had.  Maybe she was rationalizing and that in and of itself was irrational, but nothing about loving someone was rational.  </p>
<p>Julia choked a little on that last thought.  Her heart stumbled and her breath hitched and she felt the burn of tears behind her eyes for what felt like the millionth time in the last twenty four hours.  At that little hitch in her breathing Barbie’s eyes locked on hers.  His free hand reached up to cover the hand that lay on his cheek.</p>
<p>She turned that thought over and over in her mind.  She loved him and she was pretty sure he felt it too.  If she’d been in his place, she’d have kept the truth from him.  She’d have done anything to keep from losing him.  And now, still, she’d do anything to keep from losing him.  She shifted forward a little and pressed her lips to his.  When he didn’t really respond, she pulled back and looked at him again.  She saw the fear, and the pain, and the regret and her heart clenched.  </p>
<p>“Do you want me to leave?”  Barbie asked, his voice still gravelly with sleep.</p>
<p>Her heart ached.  It ached for herself.  For him.  For everything they’d been through.  She knew she needed closure to heal that ache.  And there was only one way for her to get that closure.</p>
<p>“I want you to take me to Peter’s grave.  For us to move forward, I need closure.  I think you do, too.  So yeah...I need to see Peter’s grave.”  Julia let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.</p>
<p>Barbie’s eyes softened a little and he squeezed the hand that was now gently stroking his face.  His heart galloped wildly in his chest.  This was, without a doubt, the absolute last thing he wanted to do.  He gathered what remained of his nerves and pulled away to get up.</p>
<p>“I’ll go get dressed.”</p>
<p>“Barb--”  She was interrupted by the doorbell.  “I got it,” she sighed as she got out of bed.</p>
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